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Telltale Games Shuts Down, Forcing Millions To Just Watch Movies Like Normal People

Netflix stock soars, Blockbuster announces plans to re-open stores in wake of their greatest competitor shutting down.

Lord Waffle King, published September 22nd 2018

Telltale Games, the genre-defining studio that brought us such classics like The Walking Dead, The Wolf Among Us, Tales from the Borderlands, Batman, and Back to the Future has announced today that they are shutting their doors for good.

The Walking Dead: The Final Season has been canceled, as have many of their other projects.

Sales had been slumping, thanks in part to people realizing that TV shows didn't have quick time events, and parents finally catching on that "Story Mode" was the bad Minecraft and not to buy that one for their kids that don't even know how to fucking read.

The representative from Telltale also mentioned that the "anthropomorphic Minecraft character" community never quite caught on the same way as Sonic the Hedgehog or Neopets with the autistic child demographic, and as such none of them particularly cared to delve deep into Minecraft: Story Mode's lore or draw erotic fan art of Story Mode's original characters.

In their place, Netflix has vowed to bring back those DVD bonus features where you can play games right on the DVD for all movies on their service. Did anyone else ever play those? Like that Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets DVD game where they have to help Harry drive away from the spiders? That's the only one I can remember but I'm sure there were more. Was that real life or some sort of fever dream? I vaguely remember accidentally finding an old porno of someone peeing in a girl's mouth on an unmarked VHS tape in my parents' bedroom once while I was looking for my Pokemon tapes when I was five but that memory is repressed and hazy.

Rest in peace, Telltale. Maybe I'll go read a fucking book or something.