Nintendo's loyalty reward program has been in an awkward limbo for quite some time. After killing off Club Nintendo back in 2015, Nintendo launched the new "My Nintendo" program, which would sync up their newer platforms and mobile games with a more sleek and robust system. Coins could be tracked automatically for digital purchases, and one all-encompassing Nintendo account could be in charge of all of it.
Except when the Switch launched, the only rewards ever available were for their older platforms or mobile apps. The Switch rewards were locked away behind a perpetual "Coming Soon" banner.
But finally, Nintendo has come forward with what we've been waiting for. And as it turns out, it's something much greater than any of us could have ever imagined.
In a stunningly bold move on Nintendo's part, NoA's very own Reggie Fils-Aimé will be the reward players will be working towards. Or rather, his services. Reggie will be lending his hands, mouth, and more to lucky gamers to satisfy all of their hardcore gaming needs.
A handy chart on the My Nintendo website details Nintendo's new rewards program, listing 100 Gold Nintendo Points as being equal to the ol' buff and wax from the Regginator himself. 500 is a blowie. At 1000, he won't even say "no homo" after. Anything after 1000 is left tantalizingly blurred out, like an unlockable character, awaiting a brave soul to earn 2000, 3000, 5000, and 10000 Gold points.
For 1000 Platinum Nintendo points, Reggie will text you "hey wyd" and that's it. At 10000, he'll meet up with you for dinner, then pretend to go to the bathroom but just ditch you with the bill. For the hardcore Nintendo enthusiasts, a whopping 50000 Platinum points will earn you Reggie spitting on you and making a remark about your genitalia being unappealing.
Nintendo has never quite screwed their customers like this before. This is definitely a welcome change from purchasing hundreds of dollars of expensive consumer electronics just to get some cheap plastic knickknack. They're finally giving the player something of value. A fleeting ten seconds of physical interaction. Not their first choice of reward, but it's better than nothing.
The new "My Nintendo" rewards are live as of right now, and can be redeemed right from the Switch's eShop.